trip switcher

Ready or Not, Here I Come

So your foreign friend and you have been communicating for months and you love that he or she is from this great country or city that you`ve been dying to visit. Sounds like all that`s left is to book the plane ticket, right? Hold it! Are you sure you`re ready to meet? Meeting when you`re not ready could ruin your entire vacation, wasting a lot of money, not to mention posing some serious safety concerns, as well. What follows are a few pointers that should help snap you out of your vacation day dream so that you can genuinely assess whether or not you should really be taking that trip.

Take Your Time

There is no magic formula to determine how long to wait before you meet a new friend. The timing of a visit can be different for everyone based on the duration you have been conversing and the mode of communication, but there is a general rule of thumb. Online relationships have the tendency to reel you in with the thrill of mystery, adventure and the unknown. Some people will email each other for a few weeks and desperately want to book their plane tickets then and there! Hold back and settle down. Although the spontaneous thrill of a sudden meeting sounds good in your heart, you have to fight the urge and take your time to make sure that your safety isn`t being compromised. At Trip Switcher, we encourage you to get to know someone for at least 4-5 months prior to the meeting. In our experience, this basic rule can lead to a much more trustworthy and successful experience.

Communicate in Every Way

Never meet someone you`ve only interacted with through email. Always use several communication methods like chatting, web cam chatting, phone calls, text messages and even snail mail. Try to keep in touch at least every couple of days and change up the methods as you see fit. Send care packages and cards to each other for holidays or personal days like getting a promotion or a birthday. Make sure to include a small gift from your country or city to remind your foreign friend that you two are worlds apart and get them excited about mingling with your culture someday. Don`t just chat either, try playing an online game together like chess or checkers or something with more depth and cooperation like an MMORPG. Playing games together is also a good way to gauge their temper and patience, as you may not want to visit someone who swears and disconnects every time you beat them at poker. Don`t go crazy though. Your communication with your friend should be fun and not stressful. Do not turn it into a mind numbing siege or a religion. Put simply, try your best to establish a light and entertaining communication system so that you are certain that your friendship is genuine and sincere.

Talk Comfortably

How well do you and your friend really know each other? It is important that you two are on the same page and have similar expectations if you decide to visit. You should be familiar with each other`s likes, dislikes and boundaries. Are you ok speaking up when you feel uncomfortable about something with him/her? If you are ready to meet your foreign friend, you should be comfortable enough to ask personal questions about his/her life and should be able to openly and honestly discuss your feelings, good or bad. For example, if your friend loves to drink and party the night away with you, but doesn`t feel like that it should prevent him from driving the two of you home, do you think you can stand up to him and tell him not to drive? If you can`t imagine yourself taking a stand like that then it`s a good sign that your friendship could use a little more work before a visit.

Learn from Them

Communicating on a consistent basis allows you to strengthen and grow your relationship but don`t let it stop there. If you`re thinking about visiting your foreign friend you should start asking questions about their culture right away. If they don`t have the patience to educate you on how they do things now, what makes you think they will when you finally get there? The two of you should be excited to learn from each other and should be equally excited to teach one another. There`s nothing worse than visiting a foreign friend who refuses to explain why certain cultural influences are in place or even to forewarn you of potentially embarrassing circumstances. For example, did you know that Chinese love to sing karaoke? The foreign friend I met up with in China forewarned me about this fact so I was able to practice a little before going on sing marathons with his friends and family. I think if I didn`t discover this in advance via our conversations, I would have embarrassed myself thoroughly. Learn as much as you can from each other and get familiar with each other`s learning or teaching methods because you`ll be essentially learning the whole time you`re in his or her country. If there`s a language barrier, keep working on it. Try to even learn a few words in their language as long as they`re wiling to do the same for you. Over time and after many phone calls, you`ll eventually be able to chat regularly about a small amount of interesting items and get into a routine. Think about it, though, if you can`t have a 20-minute phone conversation with someone, do you really think you can spend a week with them in their country?

Keep Your Heart in Your Pocket

Don`t let your foreign friend`s suave accent and good looks cloud your judgment. I know it`s exciting to have the possibility of romance waiting for you on your visit but that cannot be the sole purpose for your trip. I recommend that you and a few close friends sit down together and go over reasons you want to visit your friend. It`s always good to bring your friends into the decision making process so that they can give you an unbiased opinion. After putting your reasons into a list, "potential for love" should be near the bottom. Then and only then can you say you`ve clearly assessed the situation. The reason I say this is because visiting someone on an emotional whim is extremely risky! What if you get there and you two get into a fight or what if she or he doesn`t feel the same way about you? Now you`re upset and an emotional wreck and I guarantee that you will not be having any fun for the rest of the vacation. Even if you were visiting the pyramids and the sphinx, you`ll be too busy thinking about your tarnished relationship to enjoy the moment. When emotions run high and something goes wrong, there`s also good chance that you could be stranded on your own for the balance of your vacation. You do not want this to happen! Successful trip switches depend almost exclusively on your foreign friend continuously being there to help you, anything that risks this relationship should be avoided at all costs.

Trust Your Gut

If something doesn`t feel right, it probably isn`t. Use your best judgment. If you are finding that things you have been told seem inconsistent or don`t add up, ask for clarification. Following your instincts may save you from wasting your time and money and meeting someone that is not a true friend. Don`t be over-paranoid but make sure that all aspects of their history and background make sense and there aren`t any big question marks or holes. I trip switched with a girl once who said she was an only child and when I finally met her, she had an older brother who literally followed us around every day. He was a nice enough guy but you want to make sure you know what you`re getting yourself into. There are websites that provide background checks and other information on people if you`re willing to play a little bit of money. $30-50 seems to be the average rate, however, the quality of the background checking service is extremely variable and most cannot give you background information on foreign parties. Please do research on that particular website before spending any money.

These pointers may help you determine if you are ready to take the leap from email buddy to travel pal but ultimately it is your responsibility to assess if you should meet your foreign friend. Just remember one thing, you want to trip switch with someone who you can see being your best friend, anything less than that will feel like a business arrangement and while those get the job done, they aren`t nearly as fulfilling.